Sweet Potato and Chickpea Curry
Welcome back, you miserable heaps of culinary incompetence! Today, we're diving into the world of curries, with a recipe that will make your taste buds scream with glee. This Sweet Potato and Chickpea Curry is a spicy masterpiece that will leave you begging for more. So put on your big girl pants, get your shit together, and let's get cooking!
Raging Rant: Curry- the Savior of Bland Food
Curry, you motherfucking lifesaver! Nothing zaps life into tasteless ingredients like a mouthful of curry. I mean, who the hell wants to eat boiled vegetables and bland-ass legumes? Not me, you dimwits!
Curry is like the Batman of the food world. It swoops in, kicks boring in the face, and saves the fucking day. It’s a flavor bomb that demolishes the pathetic excuses for meals that some people dare to call food. So, if you're tired of eating like a goddamn rabbit, join me in embracing the power of curry!
Ingredients: Get Ready to Fucking Rumble!
- 2 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks (because life is too goddamn short for small potatoes)
- 1 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed (save the liquid for some other useless shit, like making vegan meringue)
- 1 onion, finely chopped (cry your goddamn eyes out, you pathetic excuse for an allium)
- 3 garlic cloves, minced (smack those cloves like you wish you could smack your annoying neighbor)
- 1-inch piece of ginger, grated (grate it like you're grating your ex's godforsaken existence)
- 2 teaspoons of curry powder (because the world needs more spice and less bland bullshit)
- 1 teaspoon of ground cumin (cumin, you magnificent bastard)
- 1 can of coconut milk (forget about skim milk and embrace the richness of coconut, you skinny-dipped shitheads)
- 1 tablespoon of tomato paste (squeeze out that anger like it's your cheating ex's brain)
- A handful of fresh cilantro (because herbs are here to make the world smell and taste better)
- Salt and pepper to taste (season with fury, you bland food lovers)
- Cooked rice, for serving (because life is fucking incomplete without some goddamn carbs)
Recipe: Unleash Your Fury in the Kitchen
- Heat a large pan over medium-high heat, then add a splash of oil (just like a cheap-ass magician, make that oil disappear into your pan). Add the chopped onion and cook until it's soft and translucent, about 5 minutes. Let those tears roll, you onion-chopping weaklings!
- Throw in the minced garlic and grated ginger. Stir-fry that shit for a minute, until you can smell the glorious aroma and your nostrils tingle with anticipation.
- Now, it's time to add the spices. Sprinkle the curry powder and cumin into the pan, then take out your frustration on those spices. Give them a good stir to coat everything in the pan like you're coating your ex's clothes in glitter (because revenge is best served sparkly, bitches).
- Dump in the sweet potato chunks and chickpeas (no, not in a pitiful way, you wimps- do it with an aggressive flourish!). Stir everything together like you mean it, until the sweet potatoes and chickpeas are coated in that glorious curry-spiced mixture.
- Pour in the coconut milk and tomato paste, and give it all a good, satisfying stir. Bring that bitch to a simmer, then lower the heat and let it gently bubble away for around 20 minutes. You can use this time to contemplate your pitiful life choices and appreciate the divine smell wafting through your kitchen.
- Season the curry with salt and pepper, because life is too short for bland shit. Give it a final stir and take a goddamn taste. If it's not spicy enough for your pathetic taste buds, add more curry powder like the spice demon you are.
- Serve this motherfucking masterpiece over a steaming mound of cooked rice, and sprinkle some fresh cilantro on top (because it's time to feel fancy, you peasant). Feel free to scream "Curry is king!" as you take your first bite.
What the Hell Are You Waiting For?
Alright, you worthless lumps of intestine. You've got the recipe, you've got the ingredients, and now it's time for you to step up and fucking cook. Don't just sit there like a limp noodle, get off your lazy ass and make this Sweet Potato and Chickpea Curry your bitch! Your mouth is watering, your stomach is growling, now go unleash your fury in the kitchen!
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Saturday, December 16 2023