Welcome back to Rage Recipes, you badass motherfuckers! Today, I'm going to share with you the recipe for a dish that will make you see stars and ignite fireworks in your mouth: Shrimp and Grits. Now, I know some of you might be thinking, "What the fuck? Shrimp and grits? Is that even a thing?" Well, strap the fuck in, because this Southern masterpiece is about to put all your doubts to rest.

Before we dive into this orgasm-inducing recipe, can we take a moment to address the pitiful state of food blogs these days? I mean, what the fuck happened to real cooking? All those pristine, Pinterest-worthy food blogs with their perfectly staged photos and soulless recipes written solely for SEO can go choke on a goddamn carrot. It's time to bring back the grit, the passion, and the real fucking ingredients. So put on your big boy (or girl) pants, because we're about to fucking cook!

• 1 pound of fresh, plump shrimp (peeled and deveined, you lazy fucker)
• 1 cup of stone-ground grits (because instant grits can go fuck themselves)
• 4 tablespoons of unsalted butter (don't even think about using margarine, you pitiful excuse for a cook)
• 4 cloves of garlic, minced (for that glorious garlic kick)
• 1 cup of chicken broth (not that weak-ass store-bought shit, make it from scratch or else!)
• 1 cup of heavy cream (because life's too short for skim milk)
• 4 slices of thick-cut bacon, cooked until crispy (the vegetarian option can kindly fuck off)
• 1 tablespoon of fresh lemon juice (squeeze that tart motherfucker)
• A handful of green onions, chopped (don't be a lazy prick, add that shit for flavor and color)
• Hot sauce, to taste (let's bring the heat, you pansy)
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper (as much or as little as your taste buds can handle)

1. First things first, cook those motherfucking grits. Follow the directions on the package, but for the love of all things holy, don't you dare use instant grits. Take your time, use stone-ground grits, and let them simmer until they reach a creamy consistency. Stir in 2 tablespoons of butter and season generously with salt and pepper. If your grits are too bland, well, you obviously fucked up somewhere along the way.
2. While your grits are simmering away, let's tackle the star of the show: the goddamn shrimp. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat and melt the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter. Toss in the minced garlic and cook it until it releases that irresistible aroma.
3. Add the shrimp to the skillet, making sure they're in a single layer. Season them with salt, pepper, and a dash of hot sauce. Cook those succulent bastards for about 2 minutes per side until they turn pink and start to curl. Don't overcook them, you miserable twat, or I'll come over and slap the taste out of your mouth.
4. Once the shrimp are cooked to perfection, remove them from the skillet and keep the fuckers warm. Pour in the chicken broth and scrape the bottom of the skillet to release all the flavorful bits. Let that liquid bubble and reduce for a couple of minutes.
5. Pour in the heavy cream and squeeze in the fresh lemon juice, making sure to catch any seeds because we don't want any bitter surprises. Give it a good stir and bring the sauce to a gentle simmer. Let it thicken slightly, but don't let it become a sticky, gloopy mess. That shit ain't pretty.
6. Crumbled bacon. Need I say more? Sprinkle that crispy, smoky goodness into the sauce and stir it in like a boss. Now, toss in the green onions, because we're classy motherfuckers who like to garnish our meals.
7. Put the shrimp back into the skillet and give them a good stir, allowing them to bathe luxuriously in the creamy concoction. Let everything simmer together for a brief moment of pure culinary bliss.
8. Finally, it's time to plate this masterpiece. Grab a big, beautiful bowl (or plate, if you prefer to eat like a fucking savage) and spoon a generous serving of those glorious, buttery grits. Top it off with an even more generous helping of the shrimp and sauce. Garnish with a sprinkle of green onions for that extra fuck-you flair.

Now that you have this mouthwatering recipe in front of your pitiful eyes, what the fuck are you waiting for? Stop reading and start fucking cooking, you lazy twat! Dive into this orgasmic dish, savor each bite, and be grateful that you stumbled upon Rage Recipes - the only place where food and fury collide in a delicious chaos.

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Tuesday, January 30 2024