Oh, what the fuck do we have here? Tomato basil pasta? Are you fucking kidding me? You want a goddamn recipe for this simple shit? Fine, whatever. I'll humor your basic ass. But before we get into it, let me just say this once: other recipe blogs can go fuck themselves with their pretentious bullshit. They act like they're the kings and queens of the kitchen, but in reality, they wouldn't know a fucking spatula from their own goddamn elbow.
- 8 ounces of spaghetti (who gives a shit about the brand, just grab whatever you have in your cupboard)
- 2 tablespoons of olive oil
- 3 cloves of garlic, minced (or use a whole fucking bulb if you're feeling extra angry)
- 1 can (28 ounces) of crushed tomatoes (make sure it's not the shitty ones, get a decent brand, you cheap fuck)
- Salt and pepper to taste (yeah, I know it says "to taste," but don't be a little bitch, season that shit properly)
- A handful of fresh basil leaves, torn (no dried basil, you lazy fuck!)
- Grated Parmesan cheese for topping (the real shit, none of that green can bullshit)
1. Cook the spaghetti according to the package instructions. Don't be an idiot and overcook it. Al dente, motherfucker.
2. While the pasta is cooking, heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Once it's hot, throw in the minced garlic. Sauté that shit until it becomes fragrant. But be careful, don't burn it, or I'll come to your house and set your kitchen on fire. You've been warned.
3. Add the crushed tomatoes to the skillet and season with salt and pepper. Bring that shit to a simmer and let it cook for about 10 minutes. Stir occasionally, or not, I don't really give a fuck. Just make sure it doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan.
4. Drain the cooked spaghetti and add it to the skillet with the tomato sauce. Toss that shit together until the pasta is fully coated. Let it cook for another minute or two, just so the flavors can get to know each other. They better fucking get along.
5. Remove the skillet from the heat and throw in the torn basil leaves. Give it a good stir, and then cover that shit and let it sit for a minute or two. This is your moment to reflect on your life choices and contemplate why the fuck you haven't started making this dish already.
Congratulations, you made a goddamn tomato basil pasta. It wasn't that hard, was it? Now sprinkle some grated Parmesan cheese on top, because you deserve a fucking reward. Serve this masterpiece on a plate and devour it like the ravenous beast you are. And if anyone ever tells you that making pasta is boring or easy, just remind them that they can go suck a bag of dicks.
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Saturday, January 27 2024