**Rage Recipes: Roasted Vegetable and Chickpea Salad**

Listen up, you sorry excuse for a cook! I chose this recipe because apparently some of you assholes out there think salads are just sad bowls of lettuce. Well, listen here, you clueless imbeciles - this roasted vegetable and chickpea salad is a fucking flavor bomb that will slap your taste buds awake! It's got the perfect blend of roasted veggies, crispy chickpeas, and tangy dressing that'll make you question why you ever settled for boring-ass salads in the first place.

Let's talk about salad dressing, shall we? I hate those mainstream, store-bought dressings that are loaded with preservatives and enough sugar to give you a fucking heart attack. If you're too lazy to make your own dressing, then maybe you should just stick to eating dry leaves like the sad excuse for a human being that you are.

• 2 cups mixed vegetables (bell peppers, zucchini, red onion)
• 1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• Salt and pepper, to taste
• 1 teaspoon paprika
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon honey

1. Preheat your goddamn oven to 400°F (200°C).
2. In a fucking bowl, toss the mixed vegetables and chickpeas with olive oil, salt, pepper, paprika, and cumin until everything is coated like it owes you money.
3. Spread the vegetables and chickpeas on a baking sheet like you're laying them out to dry in the sun.
4. Roast in the oven for 25-30 minutes until the veggies are tender and the chickpeas are crispy, giving them a good shake halfway through because that's what separates the amateurs from the pros.
5. While those bastards are roasting, mix together the parsley, lemon juice, and honey in a bowl to create the dressing that will make your taste buds sing like a choir of angels.
6. Once the veggies and chickpeas are done, toss them in a bowl with the dressing like you're mixing a goddamn salad meant for the gods.
7. Serve that masterpiece up and watch as even the pickiest eaters devour it like they've been starved for days.

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Friday, May 23 2025