Today, you lucky fuckers, we are going to tackle a classic dessert that will make you want to punch a wall with joy – Peach Cobbler. Why did I choose this recipe, you ask? Well, because it's fucking delicious, that's why. I don't care if it's considered a "country" dessert or whatever the fuck, this shit is like a warm hug for your taste buds. So, get ready to taste heaven, you ungrateful bastards!
Now, let's talk about the fucking idiots out there who think they know everything about pie crusades and shit. They preach about the perfect crust and the ideal filling, like they're crusading for pies' rights. Newsflash, assholes – it's just a fucking pie! Can we all calm the fuck down and just enjoy the sweet deliciousness without turning it into a goddamn religion? And if you dare suggest that Cobbler is not as good as pie, I will personally hunt you down and force-feed you this Peach Cobbler until you choke on it!
- 4 cups of fresh, juicy Peach slices (I don't want to hear shit about canned peaches, you lazy bastards)
- 1 cup of all-purpose flour (If you're gluten-free, just skip this recipe. Or better yet, just skip life.)
- 1 cup of granulated sugar (Your teeth are already fucked, so what's a little more sugar, right?)
- 1 cup of whole milk (Don't you dare use that skim milk shit or I'll come after you)
- 1 tablespoon of baking powder (I don't even know what this shit does, but it makes shit rise, so fuck it)
- ½ teaspoon of salt (Because apparently, we need to pretend we give a shit about our health for half a second)
- 1 stick of unsalted butter, melted (You better not be using that margarine bullshit or our friendship is over)
- 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract (If you can't find vanilla, just cry yourself to sleep, you pathetic excuse of a human being)
- First, preheat your godforsaken oven to 375°F. I cannot believe you're still reading this and haven't started preheating yet. Get your shit together!
- In a greased 9x13 baking dish, dump those succulent slices of peach into the bottom. Oh yeah, make sure they're all packed in there like sardines. We need maximum fruit density for maximum orgasmic mouth pleasure. If you even think about using canned peaches, get the fuck out of here – I don't want your kind sullying this recipe.
- In a mixing bowl, combine the flour, sugar, milk, baking powder, and salt. Stir the shit out of it until it looks like a lumpy wet mess. This is the stuff dreams are made of, you fuckers!
- Pour the melted butter and vanilla extract into that mess and keep stirring like your life depends on it. Make sure everything is well-mixed, or I swear to god, you'll ruin this dessert and your existence will be meaningless.
- Pour this batter over the peach slices, making sure it covers them like a cozy fucking blanket. Don't be stingy – this is not the time to hold back. We're here to experience gluttony at its finest!
- Now, put that baking dish in the oven and let it work its magic for around 45 minutes. You'll know it's done when the cobbler is gloriously golden brown, and bubbling with sinful delight. If your kitchen isn't smelling like pure fucking bliss by now, you've done something terribly wrong.
- Take this masterpiece out of the oven and let the cobbler cool for at least 10 minutes. I mean, what's the rush, right? Just sit there and torture yourself with the mouthwatering aroma of peaches and sweet batter. That's it, revel in your self-inflicted anguish.
- Serve this Peach Cobbler with that dollop of vanilla ice cream you secretly have stored in your freezer. Don't even act like you didn't know this was coming. This is the grand fucking finale, after all.
What the fuck are you still doing here, you useless sack of shit? You've read the recipe, you've seen the ingredients, and I've sweated my ass off describing the steps. You better get off your lazy ass, gather the ingredients, and start cooking this Peach Cobbler masterpiece. Your taste buds will thank you, and you might just redeem yourself from being a certified culinary failure. Now, go forth and create magic, you culinary imbecile!
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Sunday, December 17 2023