Rage Recipes: Cajun Chicken and Rice

Introduction

Today, you useless bunch of culinary ignoramuses, we're delving into the spicy realm of Cajun Chicken and Rice. Why, you ask? Because I fucking said so. Plus, it's a goddamn explosion of flavors that will make your taste buds dance a wicked jig. So, pay attention and stop drooling like braindead meat sacks.

Furious Rant Of The Day: Clean Your Fucking Kitchen!

Listen up, you lazy slobs! I'm sick and tired of seeing kitchen counters that look like a landfill after a hurricane. Do you think the food fairy is going to come and clean up after your sorry ass? Get off your fucking high horse and scrub those surfaces until they sparkle like a unicorn’s ass. If I see one more greasy stove or sticky fridge handle, I'll personally come over and unleash my anger on your sorry existence.

Ingredients:

• 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (or as I like to call them, poultry chunks)
• 1 tablespoon of Cajun seasoning (don't you dare buy that bland crap from the supermarket)
• 2 tablespoons of olive oil (extra virgin, like you wish you were)
• 1 onion, chopped (or chopped into oblivion, your choice)
• 1 red bell pepper, sliced into strips (the red color is just to hide its bullshit)
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced (make sure to crush those pathetic cloves)
• 1 cup of long grain white rice (the only thing whiter than your inability to cook)
• 1¾ cups of chicken broth (preferably homemade, but I bet you don’t even know what a chicken looks like)
• Salt and pepper (just like your bland personality)
• Fresh parsley, chopped (to make this dish look pretty enough to distract from your ineptitude)

Recipe:

1. Pat dry the chicken breasts with paper towels and season generously with Cajun seasoning on both sides (yes, I mean use your goddamn hands).
2. In a large skillet, heat olive oil over medium-high heat like the flames of your utter failure.
3. Add the seasoned chicken and cook until golden brown on both sides, about 5 minutes per side. Remove the chicken and set it aside (just like you set aside your dignity).
4. In the same skillet, toss in the chopped onion, pepper strips, and minced garlic. Sauté until the vegetables are softened and the garlic reeks of its pungent inadequacy.
5. Add the rice to the skillet and stir until it's coated with all that veggie goodness and the demons within the garlic.
6. Pour in the chicken broth and season with salt and pepper (as if that will make up for your insipid existence). Bring it to a boil.
7. Reduce the heat to low, cover the skillet, and let it simmer for about 15-20 minutes until the rice is cooked and has absorbed all the liquid (unlike you, who can't absorb even a hint of common sense).
8. Place the cooked chicken back into the skillet and let it warm up, reacquainting itself with the sheer disappointment of sharing space with you. Garnish with freshly chopped parsley (because even this dish needs to look decent).
9. Serve this flavorful masterpiece hot, and try not to fuck it up like you do with everything else in your miserable life.

What the Hell Are You Waiting for? Start Cooking, You Imbeciles!