Alright, you bunch of worthless imbeciles! Today's recipe is for Pesto Chicken Pasta. I chose this recipe because, let's face it, pesto is fucking amazing. It's a deliciously green sauce that adds a burst of flavor to any dish. And when you pair it with tender chicken and al dente pasta, you've got a fucking winner.
Before we get into the details, I need to address a serious issue that plagues the culinary world: overcooked pasta. It's an absolute tragedy, a heinous crime against humanity. And yet, so many of you idiots continue to commit this culinary sin. I don't understand how anyone can fuck up something as simple as boiling pasta. It's not rocket science, you dimwits! Keep an eye on your fucking pot, set a goddamn timer if you have to, and for the love of all that is holy, don't turn your spaghetti into a sad, mushy mess. Show some respect for the pasta gods, you fucking monsters!
- 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (get some good quality, you cheap fucks)
- 1 cup basil leaves (fresh, you morons, none of that dried shit)
- 2 cloves of garlic, minced (because garlic is life, obviously)
- 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese (the real stuff, not that powdered crap)
- 1/4 cup pine nuts (yeah, they're expensive, but you can afford it)
- 1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil (don't skimp on the good stuff, you cheapskates)
- Salt and pepper to taste (too little or too much, and I'll find you)
- 1 pound pasta (penne, fusilli, or any other pasta that can hold onto the damn sauce)
- Preheat your oven to 400°F (200°C). Because cooking in a cold oven is for the weak.
- Season the chicken breasts with salt and pepper. Don't be stingy with the fucking spices, you flavorless twats.
- In a blender or food processor, combine the basil, garlic, Parmesan cheese, pine nuts, and olive oil. Blend that shit until it becomes a smooth fucking paste. Taste it, and add more salt and pepper if needed. It should be a flavor explosion in your mouth, not some watery bullshit.
- In a large pot of boiling water, cook the pasta according to the package instructions (you should know how to read, right?). Don't forget to salt the water or else your pasta will be as bland as your pathetic existence.
- While the pasta is cooking, heat a fucking skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chicken breasts and cook for about 5 minutes on each side, until they develop a beautiful golden brown crust. Transfer the chicken to the preheated oven and bake for another 10-15 minutes, until they're cooked through. Don't overcook them, you numbskulls, or they'll be as dry as your personality.
- Drain the pasta, but make sure to reserve a cup of the cooking liquid. Toss the pasta with the pesto sauce, adding a little bit of the cooking liquid at a time to loosen that shit up and make it cling to the pasta like your ex clings to her false sense of superiority.
- Slice the chicken breasts into thin strips and serve them on top of the pesto pasta. Garnish with some extra grated Parmesan because you deserve that tiny bit of happiness.
Now that you have the recipe and a much-needed dose of my wisdom, what the fuck are you waiting for? Get off your lazy ass and cook this Pesto Chicken Pasta before I lose all faith in humanity. And don't forget to share this recipe with your sorry excuse for friends. They could use a good meal, and maybe it'll improve their miserable lives just a little bit. Now, fuck off and get cooking!
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Saturday, February 3 2024