Peach Pecan Crusted Salmon

Today, my fucking rage is centered around people who think they know how to cook salmon, but all they serve is a dry, flavorless fish-shaped piece of disappointment. Seriously, how fucking hard is it to properly cook a piece of salmon? And don't even get me started on those pathetic recipe blogs that provide nothing more than a half-assed attempt at SEO-friendly bullshit. Well, guess what, you sad excuse for a cook? Rage Recipes is here to show you how it's done.

Ingredients:

• 4 salmon fillets (because let's face it, one is never enough)
• 1 cup of finely chopped pecans (yes, you'll have to chop them yourself, you lazy fuck)
• 1 cup of panko breadcrumbs (no substitutions, you culinary imbecile)
• 2 peaches (because this dish is about to be a goddamn flavor explosion)
• 2 tablespoons of melted butter (no margarine, you fucking heathen)
• 1 tablespoon of honey (preferably from a bee's dick, for maximum flavor)
• 1 teaspoon of paprika (don't even think about using the bland, tasteless shit)
• 1 teaspoon of garlic powder (because salmon without garlic is like a life without purpose)
• Salt and pepper (because any seasoning lacking these two essentials is a disgrace)

Recipe:

Step 1: Preheat your oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Now, take a moment to think about how fucking excited you are for this succulent salmon. Got it? Good. Let's get cooking.

Step 2: In a shallow dish, combine the chopped pecans, panko breadcrumbs, paprika, garlic powder, and a pinch of salt and pepper. Mix it all together, you lazy piece of shit.

Step 3: Season your salmon fillets generously with salt and pepper. Don't be stingy, you cheap bastard. Then, brush each fillet with the melted butter. Set them aside, and let them marinate in their own fucking deliciousness for a few minutes.

Step 4: Now, let's work our magic on those peaches. Cut them in half, remove the pits, and brush them with the honey. Just the thought of those sweet, sticky peaches mingling with the pecans is making my mouth water.

Step 5: Dip each salmon fillet, butter side down, into the pecan mixture. Press it down a bit, making sure those nuts stick to the fish like it's their last fucking chance at happiness.

Step 6: Place your salmon fillets and peaches onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. The peaches should be cut side down, because we want them to get all golden and caramelized and shit. Pop that bad boy into the preheated oven and let it cook for about 12-15 minutes.

Step 7: While you wait, stare at the oven and contemplate your pathetic existence. Or better yet, start planning your next rage-inducing blog post. That's right, I'm fucking talking to you.

Step 8: Remove the glorious salmon and peaches from the oven. Give them a minute to cool down, but don't you dare take your eyes off them. We're almost there, you impatient fuck.

Final Thoughts:

Now, serve that peach pecan crusted salmon with those caramelized peaches on top. Take a moment to admire your masterpiece. The crunchy pecans, the juicy salmon, and the sweet peaches all come together to create a symphony of flavors that will make your taste buds explode in ecstasy.

I can't believe you're still reading this fucking blog post. Shouldn't you be in the kitchen right now, cooking up this masterpiece? But no, you're just sitting there, wasting precious cooking time. Get off your sorry ass and start fucking cooking. Don't make me come over there and do it for you.