Alright, you mediocre cooks, today we are going to tackle the subject of dessert. And what better way to indulge our raging sweet tooth than with a divine Peach Cobbler? I don't give a damn if you're a fan of fruity goodness or not, this recipe will have you on your knees, begging for more. Now, let's get one thing straight before we dive into this succulent treat: other fucking recipe blogs out there might try to feed you some bullshit, but I'm here to give it to you straight, no sugarcoating (unless it's on the cobbler, of course).
Before we get into this heavenly Peach Cobbler, can we please address a colossal disappointment in the culinary world? Fruit pies! Yeah, yeah, I know there are some people out there who go all gooey-eyed over pie crust, but let's face it, the majority of fruit pies are a major letdown. Who the fuck wants to bite into a slice of slimy, overly sweet fruit encased in a chewy, tasteless crust? Not me, that's for sure. That's why this Peach Cobbler recipe is here to save the day and give fruit lovers something worth their time.
- 4 cups of fresh, plump peaches (sliced and peeled, you lazy fuck)
- 1 cup of granulated sugar (the sweet shit)
- 1 cup of all-purpose flour (not that fancy crap, just the regular stuff)
- 1 tablespoon of lemon juice (to cut through the sweetness, duh)
- 1/2 cup of unsalted butter (when in doubt, add more fucking butter)
- 1/2 teaspoon of ground cinnamon (bring on the spice, motherfuckers)
- 1/4 teaspoon of salt (just a pinch, you delicate prick)
- 1/4 teaspoon of vanilla extract (add a touch of sexiness to your cobbler)
- Preheat your goddamn oven to 375°F. We don't have all day, so let's get this shit started.
- In a fucking bowl, gently toss together the sliced peaches, 3/4 cup of sugar, and lemon juice. Give it a good coating, you want those peaches to shine like the fucking stars.
- In a separate bowl, combine the flour, remaining sugar, cinnamon, and salt. Mix that shit together until it's all well-incorporated.
- Now, take your unsalted butter and cut it into the flour mixture using a goddamn pastry cutter. Keep at it until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs, just like your miserable life.
- Sprinkle your vanilla extract over the peaches and mix it all together. There's no room for subtlety here, make sure those peaches understand who's in charge.
- Grab a fucking baking dish and dump the peach mixture into it, spreading it out evenly. Then, sprinkle the flour mixture over the peaches, making sure to cover as much as possible because we all know that's the good shit.
- Bake that motherfucker in the preheated oven for about 40 to 45 minutes, or until it's golden brown and bubbling with sinful delight.
- Once it's out of the oven, let it calm the fuck down for a few minutes before you dig in. Serve it warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, or a dollop of freshly whipped cream if you're feeling fancy.
Well, what the fuck are you waiting for? You've got the ingredients, the instructions, and my unwavering anger fueling your culinary ambitions. Don't just sit there reading this shit, go to your fucking kitchen and start creating something worthy of admiration. This Peach Cobbler is waiting for you, and believe me, it won't stay waiting for long.
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Wednesday, December 27 2023