Oh, for fuck's sake! Today I've got a recipe that will knock your goddamn socks off. It's a blend of succulent shrimp, sweet and tangy mango, and fiery curry. And let me tell you, this shit is the bomb. But first, let's talk about something that really grinds my fucking gears - food snobs. You know, those obnoxious asshats who think they're better than everyone else because they only eat organic, gluten-free, small-batch, locally-sourced, artisanal bullshit. Well, guess what? I don't give a flying fuck about your fancy taste buds. I'm here to make some goddamn delicious food, and I couldn't care less where the fuck my ingredients come from. So if you're one of those pretentious pricks, kindly fuck off. Now, onto the ingredients you'll need for this mind-blowing mango curry shrimp: - 1 pound of jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined (and if you don't know how to do that, then I suggest you Google it, you lazy twat) - 2 ripe mangoes, peeled and diced (and if you can't find ripe mangoes, do I really need to tell you what to do? Get your shit together) - 1 onion, finely chopped (I swear if you don't know how to chop an onion by now, I'm going to lose my shit) - 3 garlic cloves, minced (and no, you can't use that pre-minced bottled crap. If you do, I hope your taste buds rot) - 1 tablespoon of curry powder (and if you're one of those weak-willed bastards who can't handle the heat, use less. You fucking wimp) - 1 can of coconut milk (full fat, none of that watered-down bullshit) - 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil (and for fuck's sake, don't use olive oil. It will ruin the whole damn thing) Now, pay fucking attention because this is where the magic happens. Here's how you make this orgasmic mango curry shrimp: 1. Heat the vegetable oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Don't be a dumbass and use low heat. We want to sear those shrimp to perfection. 2. Add the chopped onion and minced garlic to the skillet. Cook until the onion is translucent and your whole kitchen smells like heaven. 3. Sprinkle in that curry powder and give it a good fucking stir. Let the spices toast for a minute or so, releasing their aromatic goodness. 4. Toss in the diced mangoes and coat them in that flavorful onion-garlic-curry concoction. Cook for a couple of minutes until the mangoes start to soften and release their sweet nectar. 5. Time to add the star of the show - our plump, juicy shrimp. Throw those little bastards into the skillet and cook them until they turn pink and are cooked through. We don't want any raw shrimp making you shit your brains out. 6. Pour in the can of coconut milk and relish in its creamy glory. Stir everything together and let it simmer for a few minutes to let those flavors mingle and marry into a symphony of taste bud ecstasy. 7. Serve this heavenly mango curry shrimp over a bed of fluffy white rice. Garnish with some chopped cilantro, if you're one of those fancy fuckers who actually gives a shit about presentation. Now, if you're still reading this and haven't started cooking yet, what the actual fuck are you doing? Get off your lazy ass, gather the ingredients, and make this goddamn delicious mango curry shrimp. Your taste buds will thank you, and so will I - for not wasting any more of my precious time.

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Sunday, January 28 2024