Today I'm bringing you a recipe for Lemon Rosemary Roasted Chicken because if there's one thing I fucking love, it's a perfectly roasted chicken with crispy skin and juicy meat infused with the flavors of lemon and rosemary. It's a classic dish that never fails to satisfy my insatiable hunger and need for something fucking delicious.
Let me tell you something, the bane of my existence is those goddamn poultry packaging that make it feel like you need a PhD in engineering just to get the chicken out without spilling blood all over your kitchen. Who the hell designs these things? I swear they must be laughing their asses off watching us struggle to release the bird from its plastic prison. It's like a fucking Rubik's cube, but instead of colors, it's covered in salmonella.
- 1 whole chicken, giblets removed (if you can manage to navigate the labyrinth of packaging)
- 2 lemons, sliced (like you're conducting some citrusy symphony)
- A handful of fresh rosemary sprigs (the herb that looks like tiny pine trees)
- 4 cloves of garlic, smashed (take out your frustrations on them)
- 4 tablespoons of olive oil (the only thing that makes dealing with poultry worth it)
- Salt and pepper (as if this bird hasn't already been through enough seasoning)
- Preheat your fucking oven to 400°F (or 200°C for you fancy metric folks).
- Pat the chicken dry with paper towels because nobody wants a wet bird. Season the inside of the chicken with salt and pepper like you're giving it a spa treatment.
- Stuff the cavity with the lemons, rosemary, and garlic. Tie the legs together with kitchen twine to keep everything snug inside (it's like making a little poultry burrito).
- Place the chicken in a roasting pan and drizzle it with olive oil. Rub that oil all over the bird like you're giving it a sensual massage.
- Season the outside of the chicken generously with salt and pepper because this bird needs to be flavorful inside and out.
- Roast the chicken in the preheated oven for about 1 to 1 ½ hours, or until the skin is golden brown and the juices run clear. Baste the chicken with the pan juices halfway through cooking because this bird deserves all the attention.
- Once the chicken is cooked through, remove it from the oven and let it rest for a few minutes before carving into that succulent piece of poultry perfection.
Now quit fucking around and start cooking this Lemon Rosemary Roasted Chicken before I come over there and do it myself!
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Monday, June 17 2024