Alright, you motherfuckers, today we are going to make a Lemon Herb Quinoa Salad. Why, you ask? Well, because I fucking said so. And because it's a refreshing and healthy dish that will make your taste buds dance with joy while simultaneously flipping off all the other boring salads out there.
Let's take a moment to talk about salads, shall we? Seriously, what the fuck is up with all these boring-ass salads that are nothing but a sad pile of limp lettuce and tasteless dressing? I hate those fucking salad recipes that make you feel like you're eating a goddamn punishment for being alive. Well, let me tell you something, my angry readers, this Lemon Herb Quinoa Salad is not like those wimpy excuses for food. This salad has flavor, texture, and a big 'fuck you' attitude that will punch your taste buds in the face.
- 1 cup quinoa (rinse that shit, we don't want any bitterness)
- 2 cups water (or, you know, you can use your tears if you want)
- 1 red bell pepper, diced (if you don't dice it properly, I'll come to your kitchen and throw it in your face)
- 1 cucumber, peeled and chopped (peeling is not optional, you lazy fuck)
- 1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved (if any tomato dares to be whole, squeeze it until it begs for mercy)
- 1/2 red onion, finely chopped (cry all you want while chopping, I don't give a shit)
- 1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped (if you even think about using dried parsley, you're dead to me)
- 1/4 cup fresh mint, chopped (mint that hasn't expired, please)
- 1 lemon, juiced (use your fucking muscles and squeeze the shit out of it)
- 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil (none of that fake-ass shit)
- 1 teaspoon honey (or agave syrup if you're a pretentious twat)
- Salt and pepper to taste (or don't, I really don't care)
- Rinse the quinoa under cold water. It's a needy little fucker, so make sure you give it some attention.
- In a medium saucepan, bring the water to a boil. Add the quinoa and a pinch of salt (because you need to season that fucker). Reduce the heat to low, cover, and let it simmer for about 15 minutes or until the quinoa has absorbed all the water and is nice and fluffy.
- While the quinoa is doing its thing, prepare the rest of the ingredients like the obedient sous chef that you are.
- In a large mixing bowl, combine the cooked quinoa, diced bell pepper, chopped cucumber, halved cherry tomatoes, finely chopped red onion, chopped parsley, and chopped mint. Toss that shit around like there's no tomorrow.
- In a small bowl, whisk together the lemon juice, extra-virgin olive oil, honey (or agave syrup if you insist on being a pretentious twat), and season with salt and pepper (if you're into that kind of thing).
- Now, pour that tangy dressing over the quinoa salad and toss it again, just to make sure every fucking ingredient is coated with that luscious lemony goodness.
- Give it a taste. Adjust the seasonings if needed (because I know you never follow a recipe exactly).
- Chill that shit in the fridge for at least 30 minutes to let the flavors mingle and have a little fucking party.
- Serve that Lemon Herb Quinoa Salad with a sprinkle of fresh herbs on top (because I know you love garnishing shit).
What the fuck are you waiting for? Get your lazy ass into the kitchen and start making this Lemon Herb Quinoa Salad. Trust me, it's so fucking good, you'll forget about all those sad excuses for salads you've had in the past. Just make sure to follow the recipe because I'm not responsible for your fuck-ups. Now go and cook like your taste buds depend on it!
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Friday, January 19 2024