Today's rage recipe is all about a classic: Lemon Garlic Roast Chicken. I chose this recipe because it is a timeless dish that requires only a few simple ingredients but packs a punch of flavor. Nothing beats the aroma of a juicy roast chicken, infused with the tanginess of lemon and the pungency of garlic. This recipe is perfect for a Sunday family dinner or any occasion when you want to impress your guests with a dish that screams "I'm a fucking culinary genius!"

Before I dive into this recipe, let me take a moment to vent my seething rage about raw chicken. Oh, the horrors of handling this slimy, pink abomination! I swear, it's like a fucking biohazard waiting to destroy your kitchen and send you straight to the ER. It's a constant battle to keep this germ-infested creature contained and avoid cross-contamination. And don't even get me started on the stench! So, for fuck's sake, wash your hands, sanitize every-fucking-thing, and let's get this chicken roasted to perfection without a trip to the hospital.

• 1 whole chicken (about 4-5 pounds) - You can't fuck this up, just get a chicken, dumbass.
• 4 cloves of garlic, crushed - Release the anger from within and bash those cloves till they're crying for mercy.
• 2 lemons - It's time to unleash your inner anger and squeeze those lemons till they weep their sour juice.
• 4 tablespoons of olive oil - The liquid gold that brings richness and flavor to this sadistic dish.
• Salt and pepper - Just like life, season that chicken with enough salt and pepper to make it fucking interesting.
• Fresh thyme sprigs - Rip those sprigs apart with your bare fucking hands and let the aroma of rebellion fill your kitchen.

1. Preheat your oven to 425°F (220°C). It's time to heat things up and show that chicken who's in fucking charge.
2. Place the chicken on a roasting pan and pat it dry with some paper towels. Remember, no one likes a wet, limp bird.
3. In a bowl, combine the crushed garlic, olive oil, and the juice of one lemon. Give it a good fucking stir, so everything is nicely blended together.
4. Rub the chicken all over with the garlic and lemon mixture, making sure to get under the fucking skin. Show that chicken who the boss is.
5. Cut the remaining lemon into quarters and shove them right up the cavity of the chicken. Yes, you heard me. No foreplay, just jam the lemons in without mercy.
6. Sprinkle the chicken generously with salt and pepper, so it's seasoned to perfection. Don't be shy, give it a good fucking rub.
7. Toss a few sprigs of fresh thyme on top of the chicken, because we need some greenery to make this massacre look fancy.
8. Roast that motherclucker in the preheated oven for about 1 hour and 30 minutes, or until the internal temperature reaches 165°F (75°C). Stick a meat thermometer into the deepest part of the thigh to make sure it's done.
9. Remove the chicken from the oven and let it rest for about 10 minutes. This is crucial, so all those succulent juices can redistribute and make the chicken even more fucking delicious.
10. Carve that chicken like a deranged surgeon on a fucking mission. Serve it up with some roasted potatoes, a side of steamed veggies, or simply devour it with your bare fucking hands straight from the carcass.

Now, you've got the fucking recipe, the ingredients are all lined up, and your oven is preheating like there's no tomorrow. So, what the fuck are you waiting for? Get off your lazy ass, stop procrastinating, and start cooking this incredible Lemon Garlic Roast Chicken! I curse the day you were born if you're still sitting there, staring at this screen instead of making something amazing happen in your kitchen. So, fucking chop-chop, you worthless sack of culinary ignorance! Cook, you magnificent bastard!

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Monday, January 29 2024