I chose this fucking recipe for Honey Sriracha Glazed Tofu because I know you sadistic little fucks out there love the combination of sweet and spicy. It's like a goddamn rollercoaster ride for your taste buds - a thrill you can experience without leaving your fucking kitchen. Let me tell you something about tofu. People love to shit on tofu like it's the goddamn devil of the food world. "It's bland," they say. "It tastes like nothing," they spit out in disgust. Well, you know what? These people don't know how to fucking cook. Tofu is a blank canvas waiting for you to paint it with flavors, and if you can't handle that, then get the hell out of my kitchen. - 1 block of extra-firm tofu (don't you dare pick up that mushy bullshit) - 1/4 cup of soy sauce (low-sodium if you're a health-conscious asshole) - 2 tablespoons of sriracha sauce (the spicier, the fucking better) - 3 tablespoons of honey (not that cheap-ass crap that tastes like liquid sugar) - 2 cloves of garlic, minced (none of that pre-minced bullshit, do the work yourself) - 1 tablespoon of rice vinegar (don't you dare substitute this with white vinegar, I'll find you) - 1 tablespoon of sesame oil (none of that flavorless crap, get the good stuff) 1. Start by pressing the tofu to get rid of that excess water. Cut the block of tofu into cubes, place them between paper towels, and press the ever-loving shit out of them with a heavy object. Let them sit for about 15-20 minutes. 2. In a small mixing bowl, combine the soy sauce, sriracha sauce, honey, minced garlic, rice vinegar, and sesame oil. Whisk that shit together until it's well mixed. 3. Heat up a fucking skillet over medium-high heat. Once it's hot as hell, add the tofu cubes and cook them until they're golden brown and crispy on all sides. 4. Pour the honey sriracha glaze over the tofu and toss that shit until each tofu cube is coated evenly. Let it cook for another minute or so until the glaze thickens up. 5. Remove from heat and garnish with some chopped green onions or sesame seeds because we all know you eat with your fucking eyes first.

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Saturday, September 21 2024