Greek Salad

Introduction

Today, I bring you something that you'll probably fuck up anyway: The Greek Salad. This recipe is an absolute classic, and if done right, it will make your fucking taste buds dance with joy. But knowing you, you'll somehow find a way to turn this simple masterpiece into a sad excuse for a salad. And don't even get me started on those goddamn recipe blogs that claim their Greek Salad recipe is the best. Yeah, sure, Karen, keep telling yourself that your leafy greens are the epitome of perfection. Now, let's get the hell on with it so you can butcher this salad recipe in all its glory.

Rant Time: Prepackaged Salad Dressing

Let's take a moment to talk about the abomination known as prepackaged salad dressing. Why the fuck would anyone choose to pour that synthetic shit all over their greens instead of making a simple dressing from scratch? Do you even know what's in that crap? Chemicals, preservatives, and industrial waste, that's what. But I guess it's convenient for lazy fuckers like you who would rather sacrifice taste and quality for a quick pour-and-mix solution. Well, not today. Today, we'll make our own fucking dressing and show those prepackaged abominations who's boss.

Ingredients

• 3 ripe tomatoes, diced
• 1 cucumber, peeled and diced
• 1 red onion, thinly sliced
• 1 green bell pepper, diced
• ½ cup Kalamata olives, pitted and halved
• 200 grams feta cheese, crumbled
• 2 teaspoons dried oregano
• ¼ cup extra virgin olive oil
• 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• Salt and pepper, to taste

Recipe

1. In a large fucking salad bowl, combine the diced tomatoes, diced cucumber, sliced red onion, diced green bell pepper, Kalamata olives, and crumbled feta cheese. Mix that shit up like there's no tomorrow.

2. Sprinkle the dried oregano all over the damn salad. Don't be stingy, oregano is the fucking star here. It adds an earthy, aromatic flavor that will make you swear you're in a Greek taverna.

3. Now it's time to make that goddamn dressing. In a small fucking bowl, whisk together the extra virgin olive oil, red wine vinegar, salt, and pepper, until emulsified. Don't fuck up the emulsification part; that's when the oil and vinegar come together like a fucking Ying and Yang of flavor.

4. Pour the dressing over the salad and toss that shit until everything is coated in the tangy elixir of life. Make sure every nook and cranny is drenched in deliciousness.

5. Allow the salad to sit for a few minutes to let the flavors mingle and get intimate. You want all those ingredients to become friends, not just strangers thrown together on a plate.

6. Serve the Greek Salad with a side of righteous indignation and passion, because that's what it fucking deserves.

You Still Here?

What the actual fuck? Why are you still reading this? I told you to make the salad, not waste your time lingering on my blog like a fucking lost soul. Get off your lazy ass and start cooking, you incompetent piece of shit. Your Greek Salad won't make itself, you know? Chop, dice, and pour like your life depends on it!