Listen up, you sorry excuses for home cooks. Today, I'm gracing you with a recipe for Tomato Mozzarella Skewers. Why? Because I'm sick and tired of boring ass appetizers at every damn party. These skewers are a burst of flavor that will make your taste buds scream with joy. Got it? Good.

Let me tell you something about those other food bloggers out there. They're a bunch of pansies who wouldn't know a good meal if it slapped them across the face. All they care about is stuffing their posts with SEO garbage and pretty pictures. Well, I don't give a damn about that. I care about the food, the taste, the experience. So, listen closely and stop wasting your time on those worthless sites.

• Fresh cherry tomatoes (I swear, if you use canned, I'll find you)
• Good quality mozzarella balls (don't you dare cheap out on me)
• Fresh basil leaves (none of that dried crap)
• High-quality balsamic vinegar (if you use the cheap stuff, you're dead to me)
• Extra virgin olive oil (if it's not extra virgin, why bother?)
• Salt and pepper (if you mess this up, you're beyond help)

1. Take a skewer and thread on a cherry tomato, a mozzarella ball, and a fresh basil leaf. Repeat until you have a nice little skewer of goodness. Don't mess this up, it's not rocket science.
2. Drizzle some balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil over the skewers. Season with salt and pepper like you have some sense.
3. Repeat until you've used up all your ingredients. Arrange them on a platter and try not to drool all over them.
4. Serve these bad boys up and watch as your guests devour them like animals. Revel in the fact that you've actually made something worth eating.

Why are you still sitting there, reading this nonsense? Get off your lazy ass, gather the ingredients, and start making these Tomato Mozzarella Skewers before I lose my mind. Your taste buds will thank you, and maybe, just maybe, you'll redeem yourself in the kitchen. Now go, go, go!

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Monday, April 15 2024