RageRecipes

Fucking Pho: The Ultimate Vietnamese Noodle Soup Recipe

Let's talk about Pho, shall we? You know, that delicious Vietnamese noodle soup that warms your fucking soul with every slurp. Why did I choose this recipe, you ask? Because Pho is the epitome of comfort food that can punch you in the taste buds with its bold flavors. And if you're not on board with that, well, you can kiss my ass.

Rant Time: The Beef Broth Conspiracy

Listen up, you clueless fucks. I'm sick and tired of the mainstream food industry pushing their bland-ass, store-bought beef broth down our throats. You wanna make a real Pho? Get off your lazy ass and simmer those beef bones for hours to extract all that rich, flavorful goodness. Don't even think about taking shortcuts, or I swear I'll come for you.

Ingredients:

  • 2 pounds beef soup bones (don't you dare use that pre-packaged crap!)
  • 1 onion, halved and charred to fucking perfection
  • 4-inch piece of ginger, sliced and smashed like your hopes and dreams
  • 1 cinnamon stick (none of that powdered shit)
  • 4 star anise pods (if you don't have this, I will find you)
  • 4 cloves (yes, the spice, not garlic, you imbecile)
  • 1 cardamom pod, crushed like your pathetic excuses
  • 1 pound beef brisket, sliced thinly because I said so
  • 8 cups water (filtered, none of that tap water nonsense)
  • 1 pound dried rice noodles (follow the damn instructions on the package)
  • Bean sprouts, basil, lime, chili, and hoisin sauce for garnish (don't skimp on this shit)

Recipe:

  1. First, you better roast those beef bones in the oven until they're browned and beautiful. Don't you dare skip this step, or I will haunt your kitchen forever.
  2. In a large pot, char that onion and ginger over an open flame until they're blackened and fragrant. None of that weak-ass sautéing, got it?
  3. Add the roasted bones, cinnamon stick, star anise, cloves, cardamom, beef brisket, and water to the pot. Bring it to a boil, then lower the heat and let that liquid gold simmer for at least 3 hours. Skim off any scum that rises to the top, just like you should skim off toxic people from your life.
  4. Meanwhile, cook the rice noodles according to the package instructions. Don't overcook them, or I'll know, and I'll be very disappointed in you.
  5. Once the broth is ready, strain that liquid heaven through a fine mesh sieve. Discard the solids like you should discard negative vibes.
  6. To serve, divide the noodles among bowls and top with the sliced beef brisket. Pour that piping hot broth over the top and garnish with bean sprouts, basil, lime, chili, and a generous drizzle of hoisin sauce. Eat it like you mean it, you lazy piece of shit.

What the Fuck Are You Waiting For?

Why the hell are you still sitting there reading this? Get off your ass, gather those ingredients, and start making this fucking Pho. Your taste buds will thank you, and if they don't, then maybe they're as broken as your sense of urgency. Chop-chop!

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Tuesday, October 8 2024

Brought to you with an unhealthy dose of anger and love for food.