Annoyingly enough, today we are going to talk about making Chocolate Coconut Macaroons. I chose this recipe because apparently people like to eat this shit. I mean, who the hell doesn't like the combination of chocolate and coconut? Well, I guess there may be a few morons out there who don't, but they can go eat a bag of dicks for all I care.
Let's take a moment to talk about the goddamn shredded coconut you'll need for this recipe. Make sure it's unsweetened, or else you'll end up with a sickeningly sweet mess that even your grandma wouldn't touch. And if you can't find unsweetened shredded coconut, well, tough shit! Keep searching or get the hell out of the kitchen.
- 3 cups unsweetened shredded coconut (like anyone gives a fuck)
- 3/4 cup sweetened condensed milk (try not to drink it all, you alcoholic)
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (wake the fuck up with this shot of flavor)
- 2 large egg whites (make sure they're not from some sad excuse for a chicken)
- 1/4 teaspoon salt (because you need a pinch of something to remind you that life is pain)
- 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips (if you don't like chocolate, then I don't like you)
- Preheat the oven to 325°F (because you should already know this, you incompetent twat).
- In a large bowl, mix together the unsweetened shredded coconut, sweetened condensed milk, vanilla extract, and salt until well combined (use your fucking hands, it's more satisfying).
- In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form (just like your failed relationships).
- Gently fold the beaten egg whites into the coconut mixture until fully combined (don't fuck this up, it's not that hard).
- Scoop the mixture into tablespoon-sized mounds and place them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper (like your sorry ass needs to be lined with some semblance of support).
- Bake in the preheated oven for 20-25 minutes, or until the macaroons are golden brown (if you burn them, don't blame me, you incompetent fool).
- Let the macaroons cool completely on the baking sheet (because you have no patience, you impulsive piece of shit).
- In the meantime, melt the chocolate chips in a heatproof bowl set over a pot of simmering water, stirring until smooth (don't burn the damn chocolate, you careless asshole).
- Dip the bottom of each macaroon into the melted chocolate and place them back on the parchment paper to set (if you eat them all before they set, you lack self-control).
- Allow the chocolate to harden before serving (if you can wait that long, you insatiable glutton).
Now, what the fuck are you waiting for? Get off your lazy ass and start making these Chocolate Coconut Macaroons before I come over and shove them down your throat!
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Tuesday, July 15 2025