Today's recipe is for some goddamn mouth-watering Chicken Piccata. Why did I choose this recipe, you ask? Well, it's simple. I fucking love chicken, and I fucking love anything that involves a tangy, savory sauce that will make you want to lick your plate clean.

Let me tell you something, my fellow angry cooks. I am absolutely fed up with people who don't know how to cook chicken properly. It pisses me off to no end when I see plain, flavorless chicken on someone's plate. How can you call yourself a cook when your chicken tastes like cardboard? It's a disgrace, I tell you!

• 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts - make sure they're not spoiled, you moron
• ½ cup all-purpose flour - nothing fancy, unless you want to be a pretentious asshole
• 1 teaspoon salt - because apparently, your food needs seasoning (shocking, I know)
• ½ teaspoon black pepper - for those of you who prefer keeping things black and white
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter - because salted butter is for plebeians
• 2 tablespoons olive oil - the only oil that won't make you gag with its overpowering flavor
• ½ cup chicken broth - I hope you remembered to buy some, you incompetent fool
• ¼ cup fresh lemon juice - straight from the devil's garden
• ¼ cup briny capers - tiny balls of salty goodness (you better not skip these)
• Lemon slices for garnish - if it's not pretty, why even bother?
• Fresh parsley - because life is too short for shitty-looking food

1. Pound the chicken breasts until they're thin and have the same thickness as your patience with mediocre cooks.
2. In a shallow dish, mix together the flour, salt, and motherfucking black pepper.
3. Dredge the chicken breasts in the flour mixture, coating those little bastards evenly.
4. In a large skillet, melt the butter and olive oil together over medium heat. Don't burn it, dumbass!
5. Add the chicken to the skillet and cook until it's golden brown on both sides. We're not aiming for burnt assholes here, so keep an eye on it.
6. Remove the chicken from the skillet and set it aside on a plate, making sure it rests in its golden glory.
7. Squeeze the fresh lemon juice and pour that tangy nectar into the same skillet, using the chicken bits left behind to enhance the fucking sauce.
8. Add the briny capers because what's Chicken Piccata without these little bursts of flavor?
9. Pour in the chicken broth because we don't want a goddamn dry sauce.
10. Simmer the sauce until it thickens slightly, and you feel a sudden urge to stick your finger in it and take a taste test.
11. Return the chicken to the skillet and let it soak up that mouthwatering sauce for a few more minutes.
12. Garnish with lemon slices that you probably spent way too much time arranging because presentation fucking matters.
13. Sprinkle some fresh parsley over the top because we're all about that fancy shit.

Ah, you're still here, aren't you? You're reading this recipe instead of being in the kitchen, setting your tastebuds ablaze with the deliciousness of Chicken Piccata. What's the matter? Are you too fucking lazy to get that skillet out and start cooking? Get off your sorry ass and make this dish! You won't regret it, I promise.