Today, I'm sharing a recipe for Balsamic Glazed Brussels Sprouts with Bacon because I fucking love the combination of sweet and savory flavors with a touch of bitterness from those little green assholes. Plus, who doesn't love bacon? If you're one of those pathetic souls who think Brussels sprouts are gross, then you probably don't deserve to enjoy this masterpiece, so kindly fuck off.
Let's talk about those wankers who turn up their noses at Brussels sprouts. I bet those sad excuses for humans have only tried them boiled to death by their incompetent mothers. Well, let me tell you something, you morons – when prepared correctly, Brussels sprouts are fucking delicious. So, open your minds and grow a pair, or get the hell out of my kitchen.
- 1 lb Brussels sprouts, trimmed and halved (Don't you dare skip this crucial step, you lazy prick!)
- 4 slices of bacon, chopped (Don't even think about using that fake shit! Go for the real deal, you heathen.)
- 2 cloves of garlic, minced (If you use that pre-minced crap, I'll find you and feed you overcooked spaghetti until you puke.)
- 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar (Don't grab any vinegar off the shelf; make sure it's that good, aged shit.)
- Salt and pepper to taste (If you oversalt this, I will come for you. Don't say I didn't warn you.)
- First, grab a large skillet and heat it over medium-high heat. Throw in the bacon and cook that shit until it's nice and crispy. Then, using a slotted spoon, transfer the bacon to a plate lined with a paper towel. Don't even think about pouring out that bacon fat; that's liquid gold, you fool.
- Toss the Brussels sprouts into the same skillet with the bacon fat. Cook those little green fuckers until they start to brown and caramelize, which should take about 5-7 minutes. Once they're looking all sexy and cooked, throw in the minced garlic and sauté for another 30 seconds. Garlic burns quickly, so don't fuck this up.
- Drizzle in the balsamic vinegar and stir everything together like your life depends on it. Let the vinegar cook down for a minute or so, coating the Brussels sprouts in that tangy goodness. Season with salt and pepper, but for the love of all that's holy, don't overdo it.
- Finally, add back the crispy bacon to the skillet and give it all a good toss to mix everything together. Let it all hang out in the skillet for another minute to let the flavors meld together.
- Serve that glorious mess of balsamic glazed Brussels sprouts with bacon on a platter and watch as even the Brussels sprout haters come crawling back for seconds. Enjoy!
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Monday, May 6 2024