Listen up, you ungrateful slobs! I am sick and tired of all these fancy-schmancy food trends and Instagram-worthy creations that have taken over the culinary world. Sometimes all you need is a simple, refreshing fucking salad to satisfy your hunger and nourish your body. And if you can't appreciate the beauty in that, then you can just fuck right off.
- 1 pound of fresh shrimp, peeled and deveined (or frozen if you're a lazy piece of shit)
- 5 cups of fresh spinach leaves, washed and dried
- 1/2 red onion, thinly sliced (if you don't like onions, tough shit)
- 1 cup of cherry tomatoes, halved
- 1/4 cup of feta cheese, crumbled (or more if you're not a cheese-hating monster)
- 1/4 cup of toasted pine nuts (optional, but why would you skip this, you absolute buffoon)
- Salt and pepper to taste
- 2 tablespoons of olive oil
- 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar
- First, you lazy sack of shit, if you're using frozen shrimp, thaw it out according to the package instructions. Don't come crying to me if you end up with a watery mess because you couldn't be bothered to read.
- Next, heat a pan over medium-high heat and add some olive oil. Season your shrimp with salt and pepper like a goddamn adult and cook them for 2-3 minutes per side until they're pink and opaque. Set them aside to cool, but not too long or they'll be rubbery, and you'll have no one to blame but your incompetent self.
- In a large fucking bowl, toss together the spinach, red onion, cherry tomatoes, feta cheese, and pine nuts. Don't just dump them in like you're feeding livestock, be gentle and show some damn respect for your food.
- Whisk together the olive oil and balsamic vinegar in a small bowl or jar. Season with salt and pepper because I shouldn't have to hold your hand through every damn step.
- Pour the dressing over the salad and toss it like you mean it. Don't be a timid little mouse; get in there and coat everything evenly. Taste it and adjust the seasoning if needed because God forbid you take some initiative in the kitchen.
- Finally, top your salad with the glorious shrimp, serve it up on a fucking plate, and devour it like the hungry beast you are. And don't you dare take a picture for social media before you've had a bite, I will find you.
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Monday, August 18 2025