Alright, you bunch of pathetic, tasteless fools. Today I'm gracing you with a recipe for Creamy Tomato Basil Gnocchi. Why? Because apparently, a lot of you seem to enjoy drowning your sorrows in a giant bowl of carb-loaded goodness. And hey, who can blame you? Gnocchi is the perfect comfort food for those days when life smacks you in the face and all you want to do is stuff your piehole.
Now, let's take a minute to talk about these little potato dumplings, shall we? Gnocchi, my friends, is an exquisite creation. It's like tiny clouds of pillowy goodness that float down your throat and make you forget about all the other shitty things happening in the world. But here's the thing: so many dumbasses out there have no idea how to make gnocchi properly. They end up with dense, chewy lumps that are about as appetizing as eating a hockey puck. And it pisses me off to no end.
Look, making fucking delicious gnocchi is not rocket science. It's all about the right balance of ingredients, proper technique, and a touch of goddamn finesse. So, if you want to experience true ecstasy in the form of gnocchi, follow my instructions to the letter, you pitiful amateurs.
- 1 pound potato gnocchi (store-bought, if you're too fucking lazy to make your own)
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
- 3 cloves garlic, minced (disgusting breath is worth it, trust me)
- 1 cup heavy cream (because who needs to worry about counting calories)
- 1 can (14 ounces) crushed tomatoes (look for a brand without added sugar, you filthy animals)
- 1 teaspoon dried basil (fresh basil is too good for you ungrateful swines)
- Salt and pepper, to taste (season that shit like your life depends on it)
- Grated Parmesan cheese, for serving (overpriced and totally worth it)
- First, boil a pot of water and cook the gnocchi according to the package instructions. Don't fuck this up. You want those little dumplings to be tender and al dente, not mushy or undercooked. Drain the gnocchi and set it aside, you impatient bastards.
- In a large skillet, melt the unsalted butter over medium heat. Add the minced garlic and sauté until it becomes fragrant. Oh, that aroma. It's like a symphony of flavors punching you in the face.
- Pour the heavy cream into the skillet and bring it to a simmer. Let it cook for a few minutes, allowing the cream to reduce and thicken slightly. Yes, patience is a virtue, you bunch of impulsive idiots.
- Add the crushed tomatoes and dried basil to the skillet. Season generously with salt and pepper, because blandness is a sin in my kitchen. Stir everything together and let it simmer for another 5 minutes so the flavors can get acquainted.
- Now, it's time to reunite the gnocchi with its creamy, tomatoey lover. Add the cooked gnocchi to the skillet and toss it all together, making sure each dumpling is coated in that glorious sauce. Cook for another minute or two until everything is heated through.
- Serve this masterpiece in a bowl, you miserable excuse for a cook. Grate some Parmesan cheese over the top because let's face it, you need all the help you can get.
- Now, get the fuck off your lazy ass and start cooking. I don't have all day to wait for you.
There you have it, you pathetic creatures. Creamy Tomato Basil Gnocchi that will make you weep tears of joy. It's a dish so fucking good, you'll be wondering why you wasted your time on this shitty blog instead of cooking it already. Now, go forth and eat like the ravenous beasts you are.
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Tuesday, January 2 2024