Listen up, you pieces of shit pretending to be bloggers just to boost your fucking ego or make some quick cash by copy-pasting recipes from other sites. I'm sick and tired of your bland, lifeless content that reads like a goddamn robot wrote it. You know what? Cooking is supposed to be a passionate, fiery affair filled with love for food and flavor, not some soulless SEO-optimized garbage. So, if you're here looking for some watered-down recipe with no soul, kindly fuck off and go back to your boring-ass corner of the internet. - 2 cups all-purpose flour (the foundation of this muffin, don't you dare substitute with that whole wheat bullshit) - 1/2 cup sugar (make sure it's the real deal and not that fake sugar crap) - 1 tablespoon baking powder (yes, you need this to make those muffins rise and be fluffy as fuck) - 1/2 teaspoon salt (to balance out the sweetness, you tasteless cretin) - 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted (butter makes everything better, don't even think about using margarine) - 1/2 cup fresh orange juice (squeeze that shit yourself, none of that store-bought nonsense) - Zest of 1 orange (because why waste that flavorful zest, you lazy fuck) - 2 large eggs (room temperature, none of that cold egg bullshit) - 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (only the good shit, not that fake imitation crap) - 1 cup fresh cranberries (none of that dried crap, we want juicy bursts of cranberry goodness) Preheat your goddamn oven to 375°F (190°C) and line a muffin tin with paper liners because cleaning that shit is a pain in the ass. In a fucking large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. In a separate bowl, whisk together the melted butter, orange juice, orange zest, eggs, and vanilla extract until combined. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and mix until just combined. Gently fold in the fresh cranberries, being careful not to overmix the batter. Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups because we want these muffins to be uniform as hell. Bake for about 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Let the muffins cool in the tin for a few minutes before transferring them to a wire rack to cool completely. Or just shove them in your face right away because who has time to wait for these mouthwatering treats?

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Monday, December 16 2024