Welcome back, you bunch of fucking culinary misfits! Today, I've got a recipe that will rock your goddamn taste buds into a state of blissful surrender. We're talking about Chocolate Raspberry Truffles, you fucking idiots! Now, let's get one thing straight - I don't give a flying fuck if you're a fan of truffles or not. Trust me, these little balls of chocolatey goodness will make you weak in the knees, even if you're a soulless monster.
Before we move on to the recipe, let me just vent my spleen for a moment. What the hell is the deal with raspberry seeds? They fucking ruin everything! You take a bite of what should be pure bliss and suddenly, you're crunching on those tiny little bastards. It's like having Satan himself invade your mouth. So, if you're a pussy who can't stand the thought of seeds getting stuck in your teeth, feel free to strain the raspberry puree before adding it to the mixture. Just don't come crying to me when your life is devoid of texture and joy.
- - 200g dark chocolate, finely chopped (I don't give a fuck if you prefer milk chocolate. Dark chocolate is for grown-ups. Deal with it.)
- - 1/2 cup heavy cream (Don't even think about using that low-fat crap. If you can't handle the cream, then you don't deserve these truffles.)
- - 2 tablespoons unsalted butter (Don't you dare substitute with margarine, you goddamn heathen!)
- - 2 tablespoons raspberry puree (Seeds and all! Embrace the chaos, you weakling!)
- - 1/4 cup cocoa powder, for rolling (None of that fancy Dutch-process shit. Regular cocoa powder will do just fine.)
- Step 1: In a small saucepan, bring the cream to a simmer. You know what a simmer is, right? It's when the liquid starts to form tiny fucking bubbles. Pay attention!
- Step 2: Pour the hot cream over the finely chopped dark chocolate. Let it sit there for a minute or two, giving the chocolate time to melt and meld with the cream. Excuse me, did I fucking say stir? No! Just let it fucking sit!
- Step 3: Stir the chocolate and cream mixture until all the chocolate has melted and it's smooth as a baby's ass. Are you still having trouble with this? Goddamn it, maybe cooking just isn't your thing! Maybe you should just embrace a life of microwaving frozen meals and crying alone in the dark.
- Step 4: Add the unsalted butter and raspberry puree to the mixture. Stir it all together until you start to feel a perverse sense of satisfaction. Ah, yes! The fruits of your labor!
- Step 5: Now, cover the bowl with plastic wrap, pressing it directly onto the surface of the mixture to prevent a disgusting skin from forming. Chill in the fridge for a few hours until the mixture is firm enough to scoop.
- Step 6: Time for some ball play! Use a melon baller or a small spoon to scoop out teaspoon-sized portions of the truffle mixture. Roll them into balls with your hands, and then coat them in the cocoa powder like you're giving them a sexy little cocoa massage. Get into it, you sick fuck!
- Step 7: Place your beautiful balls of chocolatey goodness on a parchment-lined baking sheet and refrigerate again for at least an hour to let them firm up. Then, you can indulge in their sinful glory.
Now that you know how to make these exquisite Chocolate Raspberry Truffles, what the fuck are you waiting for? Get off your lazy ass and start fucking cooking! Time is ticking, and you're just sitting there, wasting away like a pathetic bag of flaccid cucumbers. It's time to embrace the sweet chaos of cooking. Now go, you culinary simpletons, and may your truffles be as fucking glorious as my rage!
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Sunday, February 11 2024