You know what really grinds my gears? Bland-ass shawarma. Those pitiful excuses for chicken that make you question if your taste buds are even fucking alive. Well, guess what? Today, my friends, I'm going to share with you a chicken shawarma recipe that is going to blow your goddamn socks off. This recipe is packed with flavor, and it will make you want to punch a wall out of pure culinary ecstasy. So, buckle up, assholes, and get ready for a chicken shawarma experience that will leave you begging for more!
Let's Talk About Those Fucking Sad Excuses for Shawarma Recipes
You know what really pisses me off? Those other recipe blogs that claim to have the best chicken shawarma recipe ever, but they're too busy trying to please the SEO gods to give you the real deal. They're afraid to offend anyone, so they play it safe with bland-ass spices and flavorless chicken. Well, fuck that noise! I'm here to give it to you straight, no bullshit. This recipe is for those brave enough to handle some serious flavor bombs in their mouth. So, if you're a delicate flower who can't handle a little spice, then get the fuck out of here. This recipe is not for the faint of heart!
- 3 pounds of boneless, skinless chicken thighs (preferably organic, you cheap fucks)
- 1 cup of full-fat Greek yogurt (don't even think about using that low-fat garbage)
- Juice of 2 lemons (squeeze those fuckers till they cry)
- 4 cloves of garlic, minced (let the tears flow, assholes)
- 2 tablespoons of olive oil (don't be a cheap fuck, get the good stuff)
- 2 teaspoons of ground cumin (get ready for a flavor explosion in your mouth)
- 2 teaspoons of ground paprika (the smokier, the fucking better)
- 1 teaspoon of ground coriander (if you hate cilantro, you can fuck right off)
- 1 teaspoon of ground turmeric (this shit will stain everything, so be fucking careful)
- 1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper (get ready to feel the burn, baby)
- Salt and freshly ground black pepper (season that shit like your life depends on it)
In a large fucking bowl, combine the Greek yogurt, lemon juice, minced garlic, olive oil, ground cumin, ground paprika, ground coriander, ground turmeric, cayenne pepper, salt, and freshly ground black pepper. Mix that shit together until it forms a glorious marinade. Now, add the chicken thighs to the bowl and toss them around like you're in a fucking salad dressing commercial. Make sure each thigh is coated in the marinade, then cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 2 hours, but preferably overnight. You want those flavors to penetrate that chicken like there's no tomorrow.
If you're lucky enough to have a grill, preheat that bad boy to medium-high heat. If you're a sad sack of shit who doesn't have a grill, preheat your oven to 400°F (200°C) and line a baking sheet with aluminum foil. You'll be using that sorry excuse for an oven to roast the chicken, so quit your whining and get over it.
If you're using a grill, take the marinated chicken thighs out of the fridge and let them come to room temperature for about 20 minutes. Once they're all cozy and shit, grill those motherfuckers for about 6-8 minutes per side, or until they're beautifully charred and cooked through. If you're using the oven method, place those marinated chicken thighs on the lined baking sheet and roast them for about 20-25 minutes, or until they're cooked through and slightly crispy on the outside. You'll know they're done when they reach an internal temperature of 165°F (74°C).
Once the chicken is cooked to perfection, take it off the grill or out of the oven and let those juicy, delicious thighs rest for a few minutes. Don't be a fucking barbarian and slice into them right away. Give them a chance to relax and redistribute all those flavorful juices. Once you think they've had enough rest, slice that chicken into thin strips, like you're filleting a goddamn fish. Don't worry if your slicing skills fucking suck. No one gives a shit as long as it tastes good.
Now comes the fun part. Grab some fucking pita bread, and fill it with a generous amount of those tender, flavorful chicken slices. Load up on all the fixings your heart desires – tomatoes, cucumbers, red onions, lettuce, pickles, and a handful of fresh herbs (cilantro, mint, parsley – the choice is yours, you fancy fuck). If you can handle some heat, drizzle some hot sauce or garlic sauce all over that shawarma. Wrap it all up tight, like you're tucking a baby into bed, and take a big fucking bite. Let the flavors explode in your mouth and savor every single goddamn bite.
So, what the fuck are you waiting for? Stop reading this and start cooking that chicken shawarma like your life depends on it. Trust me, my friend, this recipe is a game-changer. The flavors are gonna blow your goddamn mind. Don't be a lazy fuck and settle for mediocre shawarma. Make this, and you'll never go back.
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Tuesday, December 19 2023