Welcome back, you sadistic bastards! Today I bring you a recipe that will punch you in the taste buds and make you beg for more. We're talking about Chicken Pesto Pasta Salad, a fucking masterpiece that will leave you in a state of gastronomic delirium. Why did I choose this recipe? Well, because I fucking love pasta and there's no better way to enjoy it than in a salad lathered in the green goodness of pesto. So, strap in and get ready for a culinary ass-kicking!
Listen, you sanctimonious pricks, I am sick and tired of you acting like fucking herbs are some sort of goddamn miracle cure. Sure, basil might be packed with antioxidants and have some vague health benefits, but let's get one thing straight – I don't give a flying fuck about its "healing properties." I'm here to cook, not to perform some half-assed herbal therapy. So take your lavender-infused enemas and shove them up your pretentious asses, because we're about to go on a flavor-packed journey that has absolutely nothing to do with your hippie-dippie bullshit.
- 3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (or as I like to call them, flavorless chunks of disappointment)
- 1 pound pasta (your choice, but if you pick some gluten-free nonsense, I will find you)
- 1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved (because we need some goddamn freshness in this angry mess)
- 1/2 cup red onion, finely chopped (to torture you with its pungent flavor)
- 1/2 cup black olives, sliced (because we all need a little bitterness in our lives)
- 1/2 cup feta cheese, crumbled (or as I like to call it, "salty crumbles of joy")
- 1/4 cup pine nuts, toasted (to give you a taste of that nutty despair)
- 1/2 cup fresh basil leaves, torn (because a little herb can't hurt that much, can it?)
- For the pesto:
- 2 cups fresh basil leaves (yes, more basil, you twat)
- 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese (for a salty kick in the nuts)
- 1/3 cup pine nuts (to make you question the purpose of your existence)
- 2 garlic cloves, minced (to fend off any vampires that might try to steal your pasta)
- 1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil (the only thing that can save this sorry dish)
- Salt and pepper, to taste (because life is meaningless without a little seasoning)
- Sear the chicken breasts in a pan until they're golden brown on the outside and cooked through on the inside. Set them aside to cool, then slice them into tender, juicy pieces. If you overcook the chicken, you're a fucking monster.
- Boil the pasta in a pot of salted boiling water until it's al dente. Don't even think about overcooking it, you miserable wretch.
- In a food processor or blender, combine the basil, Parmesan cheese, pine nuts, garlic cloves, and a splash of your angriest tears. Blend that shit until it becomes a vibrant green paste that will both haunt and delight your senses. Slowly drizzle in the olive oil while cursing at the top of your lungs.
- In a large bowl, mix the cooked pasta, cherry tomatoes, red onion, black olives, feta cheese, pine nuts, torn basil leaves, and the satanic green creation you made in Step 3. Toss it all together with reckless abandon, making sure each ingredient is coated in pesto and your frustration.
- Let everything mingle for a few minutes, allowing the flavors to fuse together and create a symphony of chaos in your mouth. Give it a taste and adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper, because even this dish deserves a little respect.
What the hell are you still doing here? You've got a damn Chicken Pesto Pasta Salad to make! Grab your knives, take out your anger on those vegetables, and start cooking like your life depends on it. And don't you dare serve this salad without a side of deep-seated rage. Go forth, my culinary warriors, and conquer that goddamn kitchen!
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Saturday, January 6 2024