Alright you sadistic recipe seekers, today I've got a fucking gem for you - the Chicken Pesto Panini. Why did I choose this recipe, you ask? Well, because anything that involves the words "chicken," "pesto," and "panini" in the same sentence gets my goddamn taste buds standing at attention. This mouthwatering sandwich is perfect for those days when you want to punch everything in sight and still enjoy a fucking delicious meal. So, buckle up, you masochistic kitchen warriors, and let me guide you through this journey of culinary rage.
Let's take a moment to talk about knife skills, or should I say, the lack thereof. It pisses me off to no end when I see people clumsily hacking away at their ingredients like they're auditioning for a role in a fucking slasher film. Newsflash, idiots: properly slicing and dicing your ingredients not only makes your cooking more efficient, it also prevents you from disfiguring yourself. So, get your act together, invest in a good knife, and learn to chop like a goddamn adult.
- 1 boneless, skinless chicken breast (for fuck's sake, make sure it's defrosted)
- 2 tablespoons of pesto sauce (store-bought or homemade, I don't give a shit)
- 4 slices of crusty bread (none of that flimsy shit that disintegrates like wet tissue paper)
- 4 slices of provolone cheese (because what's a fucking panini without cheese?)
- 2 tablespoons of butter (you can use margarine if you hate yourself)
- Salt and pepper (I hope you know how to fucking season your food)
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Preheat your panini press or a large skillet over medium-high heat, because we don't have all day to wait for your ass to get hungry.
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Season the chicken breast generously with salt and pepper, making sure every inch of that poultry gets some love. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty, you bunch of delicate darlings.
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Slather a tablespoon of that glorious green pesto sauce on one side of each slice of bread. Spread it like you're smearing your ex's name in pig shit.
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Place one slice of provolone cheese on top of the pesto-covered side of each bread slice. Lay it on there like it's your goddamn responsibility to make this the cheesiest fucking panini of all time.
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Now, it's time to grill that chicken breast until it's cooked through and no longer pink. None of that raw chicken bullshit here, folks. If you're unsure whether it's cooked, cut into the thickest part and make sure the juices run clear. You don't want to spend the night with your face in the toilet, do you?
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Remove the chicken from the heat and let it rest for a minute. You can use this time to ponder the meaning of life or contemplate why the fuck you haven't started assembling your panini yet.
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Slice the chicken breast into thin strips because no one wants to wrestle with a giant chunk of meat between their sandwich. Unless you're into that sort of thing, you freaks.
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Assemble the panini by placing the chicken strips on top of the cheese on one slice of bread. Top it off with the other slice and press that baby down like you're crushing your dreams. Trust me, the flatter it is, the easier it is to eat.
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Melt a tablespoon of butter in a skillet or spread it on the outside of the panini if you're using a panini press. Cook that bad boy for a few minutes on each side until the bread is golden brown and crispy. Ain't nobody got time for a soggy panini, amirite?
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Remove your masterpiece from the heat, take a moment to revel in its beauty, and then slice it diagonally because it's scientifically proven that diagonally cut sandwiches taste better. I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.
Well, what the fuck are you waiting for? Stop fucking around on the internet and start cooking! Let the aroma of grilled chicken and pesto waft through your kitchen, grab that panini with both hands, and sink your teeth into pure fucking bliss. And hey, if you're feeling generous, you can even share it with someone. But let's be honest, you're probably better off eating this bitch all by yourself. Enjoy, you hungry savages.
xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Friday, December 22 2023