Today, you sorry bunch of incompetent slobs, we're diving into the delectable world of Caramelized Onion and Goat Cheese Tart. I chose this recipe because I simply can't handle the sheer lack of creativity and balls in most goddamn kitchens. This dish is a perfect marriage of sweet caramelized onions and tangy goat cheese, a combination that will make your taste buds do a motherfucking backflip. So, grab your ingredients and let's get this shit show on the road.

Listen up, you dimwitted amateurs! I cannot BELIEVE the audacity of some so-called food bloggers out there. They care more about SEO and pretty pictures than actually teaching you to cook. It's like they expect you to read their minds while they prance around their immaculate kitchens, using ingredients you can't even pronounce. Newsflash, assholes – we want real, no-nonsense recipes that pack a punch and leave us licking our goddamn plates clean.

• 1 sheet of frozen puff pastry, thawed (and no, I don't mean the fucking phyllo dough you picked up by mistake)
• 4 large onions, thinly sliced (or are you too lazy to slice them properly, you absolute waste of space)
• 3 tablespoons of butter (yes, real butter, not that margarine crap)
• 1 tablespoon of olive oil (don't you dare pull out that rancid old oil from the back of your pantry)
• 1 teaspoon of sugar (are you trying to sabotage this dish with your measly excuses for ingredients? Use real sugar, damn it)
• 6 ounces of goat cheese, crumbled (and no, that pre-crumbled garbage won't cut it. Get your act together)
• Salt and pepper, to taste (if you mess this up, I swear I'll find you)

Step 1: Preheat your oven to 400°F, you incompetent fools.

Step 2: In a large skillet, melt the butter and olive oil over medium heat. Throw in those perfectly sliced onions and cook them down until they're caramelized to a deep golden brown. It should take about 30-40 minutes, so don't you dare rush this shit.

Step 3: Sprinkle the sugar over the onions and stir it in. Let it cook for another 5 minutes until the onions are sticky and sweet like your sorry excuse for a personality.

Step 4: Roll out the puff pastry on a baking sheet and prick it all over with a fork. Bake it for about 15 minutes until it's golden brown and puffy, just like your inflated ego.

Step 5: Spread the caramelized onions over the puff pastry, crumble the goat cheese on top, and season the whole damn thing with salt and pepper.

Step 6: Pop that gorgeous creation back in the oven for another 10-15 minutes until the cheese is melty and irresistible, just like me.

Step 7: Remove the tart from the oven, let it cool for a hot second (unlike your impatience), slice that mother into squares, and serve it up hot, you lazy, useless heaps of flesh.

What are you still doing here, drooling all over your screen like a deranged buffoon? Get off your sorry ass, gather those ingredients, and make this Caramelized Onion and Goat Cheese Tart before I lose my goddamn mind!

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Sunday, February 9 2025