Baked Eggplant Parmesan

Oh, fuck yeah! Today we're gonna tackle the famous Baked Eggplant Parmesan. You know, that dish that'll make you want to punch people in the face, it's so goddamn delicious. I don't know about you, but I fucking love eggplant. And when you pair it with crispy breadcrumbs and gooey cheese, it's a taste explosion that'll leave you craving more.

The Bullshit Rant

Before we dive into this recipe, let me take a moment to bitch about something that's been pissing me off. Have you ever stumbled upon those awful cooking shows where the host smiles and giggles while making a fucking mess in the kitchen? Who the fuck wants to watch someone having a grand old time while making food? I want to see pure, unadulterated rage in the kitchen. I want to see dishes being slung across the room and curse words flying like confetti. That's what cooking is all about, my fellow rageaholics.

Ingredients from Hell

• 2 eggplants, sliced into 1/2-inch thick rounds (and fuck you if you don't choose the best ones)
• 1 cup all-purpose flour (don't you dare use any other bullshit flour)
• 4 eggs, beaten until they cry for their mommy
• 2 cups panko breadcrumbs (because who the fuck uses regular breadcrumbs anymore)
• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese (the good shit, none of that powdered crap)
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (just enough to make everyone avoid you for days)
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano (if you don't have it, just dry some cat food, it's basically the same)
• 1/2 teaspoon dried basil (again, if you don't have it, just shred up some grass, it'll do)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt (ask the nearest salty person to cry directly into the mixing bowl)
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper (crush those tiny pathetic pepper flakes with pure fury)
• 2 cups marinara sauce (and don't even think about using some prepackaged garbage)
• 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (the more cheese, the better, because fuck your diet)
• Fresh basil leaves, for garnish (because you should pretend to be fancy once in a while)

The Recipe That Will Ignite Your Soul

1. Preheat your godforsaken oven to 425°F (220°C). You know, that thing you rarely use for anything other than reheating pizza because who has the fucking time?
2. Take those beautiful eggplant rounds and coat them in flour, then dip them into the beaten eggs until they've given up on life.
3. In a separate bowl, combine the panko breadcrumbs, Parmesan cheese, garlic powder, dried oregano, dried basil, salt, and black pepper. Mix it together like you're beating the shit out of an annoying neighbor.
4. Now, grab each eggplant round and smother it in the breadcrumb mixture, making sure to coat both sides. Press it in real good, like you're crushing the hopes and dreams of your enemies.
5. Place the coated eggplant rounds on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. If you don't have parchment paper, wrap your fucking baking sheet with foil, ya amateur.
6. Pop those bad boys into the preheated oven and bake for about 20-25 minutes, or until they turn golden brown and crispy, just like your disdain for humanity.
7. Remove the baking sheet from the oven and spoon some marinara sauce over each eggplant round. Don't be stingy, you greedy bastard.
8. Sprinkle a generous amount of shredded mozzarella cheese over the top. Make it rain cheese like you're a stripper at a dairy farm.
9. Stick the baking sheet back into the oven and continue baking for an additional 10-15 minutes, or until the cheese melts and starts to bubble up like your boiling rage.
10. Remove the baked eggplant parm from the oven and let it cool for a few minutes. Garnish with fresh basil leaves because it'll make you feel classy as fuck.

What the Fuck Are You Waiting For?

Alright, you lazy piece of shit, it's time to get off your ass and start cooking. This Baked Eggplant Parmesan won't make itself, you know. Your taste buds are probably screaming for mercy by now, so give them what they want. Make this dish, devour it like a ravenous beast, and revel in the glory of its fucking deliciousness. Don't keep your hunger waiting any longer. Chop, chop!

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Saturday, December 16 2023