Anger-Inducing Butter Chicken Recipe

Listen up, you bunch of culinary wannabes! I am sick and tired of these so-called food bloggers who think they're hot shit just because they can whip up a basic fucking pasta dish. They flood the internet with their bland, uninspired recipes and clickbait titles, all in the name of getting that sweet ad revenue. Well, let me tell you something, you pretentious asshats - cooking is an art form, and you're butchering it with your mediocrity. So, pay attention as I show you how it's really done with this Butter Chicken recipe.

• 2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken thighs (cut into bite-sized pieces)
• 1 cup plain yogurt (full-fat, none of that low-fat crap)
• 4 tablespoons butter (none of that margarine bullshit)
• 1 large onion, finely chopped (because we're not heathens)
• 4 cloves of garlic, minced (fresh, not that pre-minced garbage)
• 1-inch piece of ginger, grated (don't you dare use that powdered crap)
• 1 tablespoon garam masala (make it yourself, don't rely on store-bought junk)
• 1 tablespoon ground cumin (freshly ground, obviously)
• 1 tablespoon ground coriander (get whole coriander seeds and grind them yourself)
• 1 teaspoon turmeric powder (none of that bland shit)
• 1 teaspoon chili powder (use the good stuff, not the weak-ass supermarket variety)
• 1 cup tomato puree (or crushed tomatoes for extra texture)
• 1 cup heavy cream (because calories be damned!)
• Salt and pepper to taste (but don't be stingy, season that shit well)
• Fresh cilantro, chopped (for garnish, because we're fancy like that)

1. Marinate the chicken pieces in yogurt, garam masala, cumin, coriander, turmeric, and chili powder. Let it sit in the fridge for at least 1 hour, preferably overnight, so the flavors can penetrate that meat.
2. In a large pan, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the onions, garlic, and ginger. Sauté until the onions are soft and translucent, and your kitchen smells like heaven.
3. Add the marinated chicken pieces to the pan. Cook until the chicken is browned on all sides and almost cooked through.
4. Pour in the tomato puree and simmer for 10 minutes, allowing the flavors to meld together like a fucking symphony of taste.
5. Stir in the heavy cream, and season with salt and pepper. Simmer for another 5 minutes, then remove from heat.
6. Garnish with fresh cilantro because we're not savages, we appreciate the little things in life. Serve this glorious Butter Chicken over steamed basmati rice or with some warm naan bread.

xoxo
The Very Fucking Angry Chef
posted on Monday, November 4 2024